THE 16 COMMANDMENTS

1. NEVER LET THE MUSIC HAVE BOWLING VIBES

2. Do not trust owls; fucking flying bastards

3. Boycott Weezer

4. Vibe with the bros in new jersey

5. Pet the brown rodent.

6. Be cool to the canada goose. Do not insult them.

7. Generate Marge Simpson vibes (in your body)

8. Commit 2 hours each day to think about those beans

9. DRINK MUG ROOT BEER and become a MUG MANIAC

10. Never visit upstate new york

11. Never approach the schizophrenic potato salesman in a south jersey public park

12. Be intolerant of the lactose; fucking milky bastards

13. Steal Andrew Chojnacki's Division Bell CD

14. become the 27th bride riot drummer

15. Burn your vinyl copy of In The Aeroplane Over the Sea

16. Don't leave your children alone with Alex Chojnacki. Worst mistake of my life.